We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
