Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
