it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
