He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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