smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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