Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
