Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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