is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
