Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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