True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize