I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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