why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
