I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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