My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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