i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We need to get me chipped asap
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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