About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
