I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
