normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
