So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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