like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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