so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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