Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
