Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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