I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
