I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
