Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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