Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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