Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
