Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
