Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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