D3 body, D1 cock
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
