Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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