I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
