The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
