I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
false alarm, still single
Randomize
