i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
