girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize