when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
