He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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