just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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