Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
