I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
