Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
