I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
