God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
