Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
