I'm jealous of your bromance
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
