How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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