last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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