Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
