Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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