where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
