idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize