before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
