Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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