I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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