true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
