Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
