Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
