It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
