Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
