Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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