WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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