The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I stole a fireplace last night.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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