I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize
