Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize