break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
