If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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