We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
