Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
